Aquatic Money Pit and the book of Proverbs

Sorry I have not posted in a while but I have been super busy. At church we have been studying the book of Proverbs which is an excellent read. And maybe because I have been reading it, I was really hurt when my Dad did something very foolish. See my mom and I have a joint mutual fund and he took money out of it to buy an Aqautic Money Pit aka boat without telling me. Mom is incompetent due to the advanced stage of Dementia. Needless to say we had one hellatious fight over it. He did eventually do the right thing and gave the money back. I explained that I was holding on to the money in case he should die before mom and she would need immediate nursing home care. We sat down and talked about how it was simply unethical in my mind and he agreed that he had acted wrongly. Now about Mom. She is getting to the point where is she not eating very much at all and we've had to invite Hospice into the home to help take care of her. This was not an easy decision but was totally necessary as the part-time home health aide quit to take on a full time job. This way she will be allowed to die at home with dignity. They even provide chaplain services as well as volunteers to relieve Dad when he needs to get away for a few hours. Have to go back to work now.

Trail of Tears

My Mom has Dementia. She's had it for several years. About a year ago she started to forget who I was and who my brothers are. Our most recent part-time care giver decided she needed a full time job and called my mother's doctor to express her concerns about the general care of my mom. His Nurse, KP, paid a home visit and called me very concerned. The doctor referred us to Hospice, which at first my father refused to cooperate. Two weeks ago we had a COME TO JESUS meeting and we all decided that Mom needed more care than what Dad can provide and that Hospice is the way to go as she can die at home with dignity. This past Saturday we met with the Hospice team and learned about what they have to offer. They will provide part-time Home Health Aide care 4-5 days a week during the mornings. They informed us that Mom's not eating is part of the dying process and that she is in the end stage of Dementia and will die in a few weeks or months. They also provide nursing care and volunteer services. Since she will be a client of Hospice, no agency or person can declare neglect against my family. That is very reassuring to me. We convinced Dad that this is what Mom would want as she was a 22 year Hospice Volunteer. She would go sit with the patients while the caretaker went out for a while. My mom will die very soon. I don't know quite how my family and I will handle this. Then there is the concern that my 85 yr. old father plans to die at home. I'm not sure that he will be able to live in the home alone and may have to go to assisted living or something like that. People refer to Dementia as the ``Long Goodbye'' as it is a terminal disease that takes its time. I call it ``The Trail of Tears'' because I have been doing alot of crying over the years that she has been afflicted with this disease. I am sure Groucho would agree with me on that count. My mom and I have always had a very close relationship until the damned disease took over her mind. Now I will be losing her for a second time, but I will surely meet her in heaven one day along with her brothers(my uncles), a cousin, and my grandparents.

Come to Jesus meeting

Here's the update on my mom: She had fallen outside a few weeks ago and the part time home health aide reported the incident to my mother's doctor. He then sent his head nurse to do a home check. KP had known my mom from mom's 20 yrs. of volunteer work with Hospice. KP called me at work last week and said that the doctor and she think that mom will need Hospice care at this point. I called my middle brother, P, and suggested we have a come to Jesus meeting with the other two brothers and Dad as he was resisting the doctor's suggestion. We all met on Saturday and decided that Hospice would be the best solution as Medicare pays 100% of the cost and mom would get to remain at home and die with dignity. The meeting actually went very well (I was worried that it wouldn't). While there I bathed mom and cleaned up the bedroom and upstairs bathroom as she had peed all over the place. I was also able to get her to eat breakfast and drink fluids as she usually won't eat. Since I stayed until Sunday afternoon, I went down to the lake to swim one last time for the year. Groucho went with me and went into the woods and came out in camoflage! He was covered from head to paw in green prickers! That tooks some time to get all of those tiny prickers out! They were even in his ears! It still amazes me that while mom can't remember our names, she knows my dog's name!

Live in the Moment

We all could learn this lesson from dogs or any other animal for that matter. Animals live in the moment. What happened two minutes ago is forgotten and they don't know what ``future'' means. I went home over the weekend to visit my parents. As you know from my past posts, my mom has dementia and Alzheimers to the point that most of the time she doesn't recognize her own children, but she knows Groucho! She had a very good day on Saturday. My youngest brother David came by with three of my nieces and the family entertained my mom for about an hour after dinner. She was all lit up like a Christmas Tree! Dave had brought one of his brothers-in-law to meet Dad, so the girls entertained Nanna. I am so glad Dave and his family have moved back home. Now all four of us are together again it makes this awful disease of my mother's much easier to bear. Last week she had apparently gotten out of the house and fell on the gravel drive next to the neighbors' house. Dad neglected to tell me during any of the times that I called. Peter had to call and tell me. He also said he has been trying to talk with Dad as she is getting to the point where he cannot take care of her and she needs 24 hr. care and social activities which she is definitely not getting at home. He simply refuses to have her go to a nursing home. I again spoke with him about it and he said that he thinks I don't understand the situation. I told him I think he's afraid to put her in a home as he thinks he'll be next. He denied it, but I know I hit the mark because he said he plans to die at home. The lesson today is ``Live in the moment'' because on Sunday Dave's family and I had a campfire at the lake and the two neighbor kids, Maddy and her 4 yr. old brother Jimmy joined us. The kids all roasted hot dogs and marshmallows and everyone had a great time, even Groucho, who was busy eating everything that dropped on the ground. My Dad even came down and joined in. Dave told Jimmy that Dad is a leprechaun and Jimmy asked him point blank if he was one! It was so cute! Moments like these are what makes everything that is difficult in life worth going through. The little Jimmys with marshmallow from head to toe asking Dad if he was a leprechaun!

When It's Time for Changes

When Groucho wanted to discontinue eating the dry dog food he let me know by entertaining my mom one Saturday by taking each piece and strategically putting it in a spot in front of the television and then waited until I returned from the store. He refused to eat any of it. My mom just laughed and said that it was his way of telling me that he didn't want to eat that stuff anymore. The time had come for a change in his food. I now cook vegetables, chicken gizzards, liver, beans, rice, and oatmeal for him and he is quite happy with that. He gets raw vegetables as well. He has taught me that when things aren't tasting good, choose something else to eat. The time has come for some changes in my life, mostly related work. About a year ago I realized that things were not improving at work and were actually getting progressively worse. The Admin staff was laid off and now more and more responsibility is being placed on us case managers without added incentives such as pay increases. Now normally that would not bother me too much, but while I'm being paid the same rate, my living expenses, especially the association fees have risen. The total of my monthly mortgage payments and association fees account for more than 50% of my take home pay for one pay period. I have actually gotten behind on these as both are due on the same day. I have decided that it is time to move on job wise if possible. I have been actively interviewing for a position with a company that offers bonuses and other incentives. It is a company with many locations. I won't mention any names at this time. Needless to say, there is the prospect of earning the rate of pay I am currently at plus bonuses. On one hand I want a different job, but on the other I know I will miss my co-workers. This has not been an easy decision to make but it has to be made in order for me to move ahead. More income means being able to pay my bills with less stress and less of the ``rob Peter to pay Paul'' syndrome. It will also allow me to save more money and give more away. I think this is what Dave Ramsey would recommend as a course of action.

comments on blogs I've been reading

I have been busy finding blogs that I like, most of which are posted on this site. Wil Wheaton writes a terrific blog. My advice to you Wil about the issue of shaking strangers' hands at Gen Con events-DON'T! Don't worry about what those people say. Their criticism does not matter in the grand scheme of things. For more thoughts on the subject, check out Seth Godin's blog. He says that that kind of criticism is detrimental and is to be avoided and he is right. You have to do what is best for you. To Pines Lake Redhead: You can't pick your family, which is unfortunate, but you can find a good sisterly relationship with a friend. It sounds like your sister is very judgemental of you, and may be a bit jealous??

Walking in the rain

Today when I get home, Groucho and I will be going out for a walk in the rain. Normally I am not too thrilled with this prospect, but this summer we have had a real drought and so it will be fine to walk in the rain. He doesn't care whether it rains or is sunny outside, he just loves to go! My friends who have his little friend Zoey, give her treats after going for walk as a reward. To me, the reward for Groucho is that he gets to go for a walk with me! Groucho lives in the here and now. All he knows is that he wants to be with me rain or shine, through good times and bad. He knows I will take good care of him. He also takes good care of me. I know he's just a dog, and I also know he was heaven sent. Being single isn't all it's cracked up to be. At least when we go for walks we run into people we know.